June 21,2011

Dear Kids,
When you are pre-kids adults and you have me over for dinner I'm gonna pay you back. Big time. I'm gonna spill my milk at every meal (oh, no sippy cups past age 1 because those are for "babies".) And, I'm going to spill my milk on my clothes and insist you get me a new pair of pants, no pajamas, pants. That way, I can add one more thing to the infinity and beyond pile of laundry. After you change my clothes (which no, I can't do myself when you want me to, only when I want to) I'm gonna drop all my silverware on the floor. Haaaaaa....and I actually consider buying a PB rug for under our table. You know, they always show those stupid rugs under the tables with a family of 5 toddlers and 3 dogs, so people like me take a crazy pill and $482 later I have a rug that is stained in 9.3 seconds. NOT like the happy, dog loving, kid sitting at table, family on page 27.
Then.....ohhhh here's the fun part Hankie....I'm not gonna eat. I'm gonna monkey around the whole time, say I'm not hungry, ask what's for "bessert" and then say "feel my tummy...see, there's no room." Now, after fighting me for 25 minutes to eat. Just give up. Clean up the 9,426,701 spaghetti noodles that are under the table. Chlorox the counters. Start the dishwasher.....AND, as your walking out of the kitchen.....I'm gonna ask for a snack.
I swear, it's like a real live version of "If you give a Moose a Muffin." Thank god for that bottle of Pinot Nior.