Today, while I was in the shower, with the door locked, enjoying my Bumble and Bumble volumizing shampoo, I was quickly brought back to Mom land. Hank was standing outside the door (by standing I mean pounding on the door) yelling "Momma, I gotta go poop." Me, wanting to enjoy my 12 minutes of hot steamy lather told him to go downstairs. Well, as anybody with children knows, they can not poop in a different bathroom. They need to poop in the bathroom that I am using. And enjoying. So, here's where this story is going.......I unlock the door while Hank is screaming "bad, I gotta go BAD!!!!"
I let him in, quickly finish my shower, and dry off. While I'm standing there, wrapping up with my towel Hank says:
"mom, why do you have those big things? (boobs)"
Me: "I know, they are really big. (for real, I really said that) Ladies have these so that when babies are born they can feed them."
Hank: "why do you wear a brat (bra)?"
Me: "So that my shirt looks nice."
Hank "Ohhhh.....so your brat pushes those big things up and squeezes them together?"
Yes Hank, yes. And with some really good underwire and padding, we can all be a DD.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Ouch!
Today I took a womens self defense class at Beyond Martial Arts. My friends Jeff, Mishel and Eric taught the class. Here's a little low down on the gang that taught the class. Jeff is an 8th degree black belt, Mishel is a black belt and Eric is the national champion of some type of martial arts that I don't know how to pronounce. Translation=they are one bad ass family. Or, as our house calls them: The Incredibles......
Jeff-Mr. Incredible-he's one tough dude
Mishel-Elastagirl. (You need to take her Yoga class people)
Eric-Dash-he can do all sort of crazy tricks before you eyes even realize he's got you in a choke hold
Mishel has a daughter who we'll call Violet because I have yet to meet her, so I think she has an invisible force field around her and she has a son I'll call Jack Jack because I'm not sure if he has any crazy martial arts powers.
O.k, so now that you have the low down, picture me Mrs. Not Even Sort of Tough...getting my butt wooped for 7 hours straight. Here's the thing, they didn't sugar coat it. Jeff called us all sorts of nasty names, put us in in incredibly aweful positions, and played on our weaknesses. Women were crying, women were furious, women were scared. But, guess what? We learned in a BIG hurry it's just not gonna be real fun when a 200 lb. man is trying to do terrible things to us. And, we learned lots of tactics to hopefully keep us safe.
I know you're all thinking "like what?" Well, then pay up and take the class. Really, learn for yourself. You could ride in a car with me all day long, but that aint gonna teach you to drive is it? If you are a women you should take this class. It's not fun. It's very stressful. It's very invasive. But I promise you will leave there feeling much more secure. And, with a right leg that's missing a big piece of skin, the entire side of your body bruised, you won't be able to turn you neck to the left, your teeth will hurt, and you'll have some awesome rug burn. But......hottie Eric will teach you. Hottie Eric is worth some rug burn.
Jeff-Mr. Incredible-he's one tough dude
Mishel-Elastagirl. (You need to take her Yoga class people)
Eric-Dash-he can do all sort of crazy tricks before you eyes even realize he's got you in a choke hold
Mishel has a daughter who we'll call Violet because I have yet to meet her, so I think she has an invisible force field around her and she has a son I'll call Jack Jack because I'm not sure if he has any crazy martial arts powers.
O.k, so now that you have the low down, picture me Mrs. Not Even Sort of Tough...getting my butt wooped for 7 hours straight. Here's the thing, they didn't sugar coat it. Jeff called us all sorts of nasty names, put us in in incredibly aweful positions, and played on our weaknesses. Women were crying, women were furious, women were scared. But, guess what? We learned in a BIG hurry it's just not gonna be real fun when a 200 lb. man is trying to do terrible things to us. And, we learned lots of tactics to hopefully keep us safe.
I know you're all thinking "like what?" Well, then pay up and take the class. Really, learn for yourself. You could ride in a car with me all day long, but that aint gonna teach you to drive is it? If you are a women you should take this class. It's not fun. It's very stressful. It's very invasive. But I promise you will leave there feeling much more secure. And, with a right leg that's missing a big piece of skin, the entire side of your body bruised, you won't be able to turn you neck to the left, your teeth will hurt, and you'll have some awesome rug burn. But......hottie Eric will teach you. Hottie Eric is worth some rug burn.
Monday, August 8, 2011
'Tis the season for pickin'. B. Herb looooves blueberries. He took his bucket and picked away at camp. I asked him what he was going to do with all his berries. He said "I think I'll open a stand and sell them. No, no PIE! Blueberry PIE!" Oh, I love this kid. Thank you god for giving him to me.
Quick.....get all the blueberries before Aunt Chippy gets to camp. Is this not the cutest blueberry picker you've ever seen?
Firefighters Rule!
Last week Ishpeming Township F.D. had a "fun night" to teach kids about fire safety. The Kowboys spotted the bouncy house and firefighters and I knew where I would be spending my next 3 hours. This is B.Herb and Roo riding in front of the firetruck!!! The firemen took us for a ride (yeah, I was just as excited!) Hank was sure to tell them to "watch out for the mailboxes."
This level of cuteness should be illegal
The world's cutest firemen and firewoman
Hank was not getting within 50 yards of Sparky. No way, no how.
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